One truly unique part of online job hunting is coming across a Craigslist scam. I’m never sure whether to be impressed at the skeezeball poster’s ingenuity, angry that it’s wasting my time, or baffled that people actually take the bait. I recently applied to a posting for a part-time tutoring position in the hopes for funding my job search and perhaps helping out a local family in the process. Instead, I stumbled upon this beautiful disaster of an e-mail:
Thanks for replying back to my online job posting, requiring your tutorial service for my Daughter, I would like to make a tutoring arrangement between you and my Daughter for the month of Sept. 2010, I would like you to tutor her within a period of 1 month, on a schedule basis of 1 hr Daily, 3 times weekly, totaling 12 times in a month.
We’re off to a bad start. Why are you capitalizing “daughter”? Why are you using commas rather than periods? Oh well, at least the math checks out.
I am willing to pay $40/hr.
Well that’s nice.
I would like to use these medium to inform you that my Daughter don’t live in the US, she would be flying from Kuala lumpur Malaysia to the US, I want you to teach her during her 8 month stay in the US, if there is need to extend your services, an amendment would be made to your salary. she would be dropped off/picked up by her nanny during the hours of teaching at any location you want the Tutoring to take place in your area.
Hmm. I guess these medium are as good as any, Mr. Scam Artist. If any of this was true, why would you feel the need to tell me that she’s currently not in the US, but will be soon? You don’t care to meet me, AND you’re fine with me choosing the location of the tutoring? What if I picked a junkyard, or beneath route 405 overpass? Why are you capitalizing “Tutoring”. In any event, I’m glad to hear that you’d amend my invisible contract if you chose to extend my services.
You would be receiving a check drawn from a Bank in the US, from my business associates in the US, since i am from Kuala lumpur Malaysia and right now am in Cuba for a business trip the payments wont be honored in any bank there in Malaysia or here in Cuba , These check would be made out for the cost of the tutorial services you are rendering, and also for the living expense, nanny fees of my Daughter.
Uh. What? Golly, I’m not well-versed in the banking practices of Malaysia or Cuba, nor how they relate to US banks. I do know that those countries are strange and scary places, so I’m sure your logic is sound. Wait, one check for “living” expenses, this mysterious nanny you keep mentioning, and for my tutoring? Unconventional, but I’m sure it’ll all work out.
Regarding this- I hope i can trust you with these payments, as the payment would be made out in excess, so all you have to do is Deposit and cash the payment at your bank, deduct your tutorial service fee, which should be $40 per hour X 12 Times a Month = $480 i would include an additional $100 for run around fee and any additional text book you might be needing- so $580 is what you deduct from the check you receive , whatever the remaining balance is after deduction of the $580 go ahead and deduct Money Gram Wire transfer sending charges for sending out the remainder to the Nanny who would be contacting you with further arrangements and instructions regarding pickup/drop off of my Daughter to the library where you would always teach her.
Come on, cryptic Malaysian businessman! Of course you can trust me. You and I go way back. Yay! An extra $100 for running around wiring money for you plus any additional textbook I may need. You’re correct in assuming I have a collection on random textbooks for my tutoring practices, by the way. Hey, I thought I could pick the tutoring location? Oh well, I guess I can always tutor at a library.
So i hope i can trust you that you will teach my Daughter good academics and some moral respects so that they can be good to their self in the future, i hope i can count on you for the tutorial and the money to be sent to the Nanny.
Suddenly it seems there are multiple children. No matter, I always teach good academics and moral respects. It’s my personal policy. Again, with the trust issues, dubious Craigslister! This may be the wrong “medium” for you to tend to your family’s education/banking needs if trust is such a priority. Just saying. I’m still totally interested by this foolproof and exciting job opportunity!
I look forward to read a detailed message from you containing the following information, if you are OK with my arrangements.
MAILING ADDRESS :
BEST TIME TO CALL:
PRESENT JOB STATUS/POSITION:
BEST EMAIL TO REACH YOU :
Sure thing, but you already know my job status! I’m a world-famous tutor to the children of important Malaysian businessmen. Also, my city is Portland, OR. I sure hope your daughter happens to be moving to the same city, otherwise this e-mail would seem like a waste of everyone’s time. That, or some kind of absurd online scam.
N.B My Daughter Name is Christine Angela Smith and her Age is 12 yrs , She is actually coming to the US for sight seeing, but while she is here i want her to study at the same time, she understand English, can write and read fluently i just need her Math,Physics,English,SAT and ACT Prep,Chemistry & Statistics Upgraded
Thanks for your Understanding.
Whew, I thought that being from Malaysia, your and you daughter would have confusing, hard-to-pronounce names. Turns out they are some of the most common names in the English language! I agree that, naturally, we should get Christine started on her SAT and ACT prep. We don’t want her turn 13 without being properly “upgraded” for those exams.
Well this all sounds like a convenient arrangement for everyone involved! I’m so glad I spent the time to apply to your job posting, Mr. Smith. Pick up some cigars in Havana for me! I was just thinking, why don’t I give you my bank account information so you can wire money directly into it. That would be easier.
Kudos to you Paul Smith, for authoring perhaps the sketchiest e-mail of all time. Just so you know, I’ll agree to your arrangement, but your nanny will never see the rest of the money! MuahHAHAHAHA!
But seriously Paul, “thanks you” for wasting everyone’s time. Way to make a living.